The Curse of Technology

My wife and I were having a quiet breakfast at a small cafe in a nearby town. The server had just brought our meals when my cell phone starting ringing. Not really a ring, more of an annoying, unmodulated noise that made me want to throw it against the wall.

Now the mood was broken. I looked at the cell phone in my hand. It's a fairly new model, with lots of bells and whistles that I will never use. It has a little window on the cover that displays the name or number of the caller, whilst driving me made with it's tone.

I know I can put it on vibrate, which I've tried numerous times, after which, mysteriously, it switches itself back to ring mode. In blissful ignorance I forgot to shut it off during our meal. It never occurred to me that the phone had a mind of it's own and could revert back to ring mode without asking for my permission. True to Murphy's law it did on this occasion and I was so surprised by it that I practically jumped out of my seat.

To make matters worse, the only way I could shut off the phone was to open the cover, which instantly connected me to the caller. I've since configured the feature such that I have to press the "send" button to answer. At least I think I did, my phone might have other plans.

Now I'm committed to dealing with the caller. Not being a terrific multi-tasker, I can't talk on the phone and chew food at the same time. Under normal circumstances, I would ask the caller if I could get back to them at another time, or I would excuse myself and walk away to spare the other diners. Of course, as always, the call couldn't wait, and I was damned if I would let my lox and onion, or, as the restaurant referred to it, Norwegian salmon omelet, get cold. Also, there was a particularly loud group of what were obviously business associates at a nearby table, speaking at the top of their lungs, as if they were all hard of hearing. This would have been the norm if I was in Century Village in Boca, but being in New Jersey it was just plain rude, so, for revenge, I decided to have a loud chat on the phone without leaving the dining room.

As you can imagine, my spouse was not thrilled with this sudden turn of events. One minute we were conversing and having a pleasant meal and the next the phone was ringing and I was fumbling and shouting. End of breakfast date. I will be locking my cell phone in the car when we're out, unless absolutely necessary for communication purposes.

I offer this anecdote as but one example of the curse of technology.

I can remember a time, as many of us can, before the Internet. Before iPods, cell phones, pagers, answering machines, HDTVs, cable and, of course, personal computers. When I first reported to work at Bell Labs in 1983, I was escorted to my office, which consisted of a gun-metal grey desk, a swivel chair and a big HP2621 monitor. I'd never seen one of these before. After spending many minutes searching for the switch, I stared at the green lettering that slowly materialized on the display. An associate handed me a piece of paper and said " This is your log-in user name and password".

I asked her what I was supposed to do with this knowledge. After a painful tutorial I was able to log-in to the main computer. Now what? I soon learned that the purpose of the system was for writing memos and programs. It was mind-boggling at that time to try to grasp the concept of communicating with a giant computer somewhere in the basement of the building. And at three hundred baud speed! You could see each letter as the computer painted it on the screen at about a line a minute.

Thus began my introduction to the world of technology. At that time, it was "cutting edge". What an odd name. A cutting edge sounds like a sword or machete, something used to slash and slice and disembowel. Maybe that was the intent, because the more the technology proliferated the more my edge felt as if it was being cut. Shortly I began making full use of this cutting edge technology to spend long hours at the office, finishing my memos and programs.

Then came the PC. This was truly miraculous. Now I could work long hours at the office AND at home, finishing memos and programs while playing a few rounds of Tetris, Pong or Centipede, all at the same time!

And so the technology continues to evolve exponentially, spawning the conveniences we enjoy today. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I myself am technology averse. Quite the contrary. I spend the greater portion of my day on the computer and cell phone while watching my HDTV and screening calls with my answering machine (I know, that's ancient technology). My wife IS technology averse. I've tried many times to convince her to learn the computer so that she can send and receive emails, but I manage to read and write them sufficiently well for her purposes. I expound endlessly about the virtues of watching TV in HD. She would gladly leave the TV off and read. End of round two. The only time I've won the techno tug -of-war is when I convinced her that she needed a cell phone, for emergencies. And after the breakfast incident, she may be "turned off" to that as well. Pun definitely intended.

So, what is the curse of technology, you may ask? To paraphrase an ancient Chinese saying, "be careful what you wish for, because it may irritate your spouse and take over your life.

And it will be obsolete in six months.